Two Years Ago I left Missouri//Bringing Ya’all Up to Date :)

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It’s been almost two years since I moved away from Missouri.

So, to my fellow Missourians who are wondering how I’m doing, this is for you 🙂

That first year away was so hard. Most of you know. But, hard as it was, I’m not sorry it happened. It made me be stronger than I ever thought I could be 🙂 I’ve grown so much these past two years. No more is the little girl who was scared to death of talking to people, who never fit in, who was still so young and insecure.

Main points of the last two years
  • My relationship with God has soared in the past two years. I’ve still got a lot to learn, but I’ve grown so much spiritually 🙂 A fire has ignited in me and ain’t nobody gonna put it out 😀
  • I’ve realized how much I enjoy writing. Before, it was kind of a hobby, but I never really believed I was good at it. I’m not sure exactly when that mindset changed. Little by little it dawned on me. A lot of things happened to me to make me realize, the class I took at camp, getting a couple of my stories published in a magazine (You can read them here and here), writing the play for the homeschool Co-Op… And more 🙂 I’m continue to grow and improve, and we’ll see where God takes me with it 🙂
  • This may sound slightly bad… But moving away, not seeing or being around my older siblings, forced me to develop more of my own personality. For as long as I can remember I’ve tried to gain the approval of my older siblings, and tried to do things the way they did. If they liked a certain movie or disliked a certain movie, chances are I would like or dislike it too. I didn’t even realize it a lot of the time. Getting away, I had to learn to do things me own way. I realized “Wait, I actually don’t like this artist, or song, or movie…” “Why did they always do things this way??” 😉
  • I’ve become WAY more of an extrovert. Having to start completely over with making friends, I realized how much I need people, how much I enjoy spending time with those I love. I’m way more a social person than I ever thought possible. Not that I don’t still have my moments… There are still times when I need space and you’re taking your life into your own hands if you speak to me 😉 So I’m an extroverted introvert?
  • I’ve learned to accept this awkward, clumsy, occasionally graceful, unathletic mess that God has made me 😀
  • I know. I’m not sure I can elaborate. I know what I’m being called to do, where God wants me now, where I want to be years from now. Secret hopes and dreams are being stockpiled 😉 You’ll just have to stick around to see what that means!

I could probably write a book about everything I’ve learned the past two years, but you get the idea 🙂 I still miss Missouri so very much. It will always be home. Nothing is going to change that 🙂

I’ve learned not to think about it. It hurts too much when I think about it. Someday, maybe I can think about Missouri and my life there without tearing up (inside and out), but I kinda doubt it.

*Opens arms wide* I’ve got a crazy blessed life. I love the life I have. I now greet everyday with a smile and an Owl City song (Ha 😉 )

There are a lot of new opportunities coming up for me… I’ll be starting work at a local ice cream shop soon, I’m going to be helping my mom with a writing class for our Co-Op starting this fall, I’m going to camp this summer…  I’m excited about all of them 🙂 I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me.

Stay strong, you all. Life may be difficult at times, but stay strong. God will get you through it 🙂

~Esther

*Twirls cape and vanishes*

holidays aren’t always the best time of the year

Thanksgiving is right around the corner. The stores are already decked out in Christmas decorations. Everyone is in a good mood, right??

Well, it’s not always that simple 😛

For most people holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, and Independence Day are enjoyable times that are spent with friends and family doing fun things. But there are some people that have a hard time during holidays.

I’m one of them.

I used to love holidays. The food, the friends, the presents, the traditions… What was there not to like about it?

Then everything changed. We moved, and holidays suddenly weren’t happy times anymore. I couldn’t get together with friends or family. Traditions became pointless. Holidays (especially Christmas) felt superfluous. It felt like they were there to remind me how alone I was, and how much I missed home. All around me people were with their families, talking about how much they loved the holidays, and being constantly happy and cheery.

4th of July was not pretty either 😛 4th of July was always one of my favorite holidays. My family always had a big party where we would eat watermelon and shoot off fireworks, have people over to our house… It was a big deal 🙂 It was a time that I looked forward to every year. My older brother always was in charge of the fireworks, and he was great at it 🙂

Independence Day 2017… Yeah. No fireworks, no friends, nothin’. I thought of my older brother the whole day. He had always made 4th of July so special. I finally had to call him, just to hear his voice. The tears fell down my face practically the whole time I was talking to him. 4th of July will never be the same without him.

Not having any of that is hard. To be away from the ones I love, to not be able to do any of the traditions I grew up with.

I know I am not the only one that struggles with this. Others feel the same way. Whether it’s because of having moved, losing someone you love, or bad memories involving the holidays.

I don’t have a solution, or an instant remedy that will cure you of holiday sadness. All the advice I have is to lean on God stronger than ever during these times.

What really helps is when those around you are understanding. When they realize that, hey, Christmas is not the most wonderful time of year for some people. And that’s okay. There’s no law saying that the holidays has to be your favorite time of the year.

And if you do enjoy the holidays, that’s great ^_^ I remember those times too 🙂

Those a just a few thoughts of mine. Most of this most was actually a rant that I wrote on the 4th of July to try to make me feel better 😉 But I thought this was worthy of posting.

Bye for now!

~Esther

 

Going to Camp for the First Time//Growing Up

Hey ya’ll! A lot has happened in my life recently 🙂

First of all, I found a piece of home in New England. In a place that I never expected 🙂

At the end of June my family went up to help at a camp a couple hours away, getting everything ready for the camping season. Our church here helps out there a lot during the summer.

So I went, expecting it to be the typical Christian camp. My family has never sent any of us to camp before, and I had never really thought about going.

I think I fell in love with it the first day 😉 It was out in the country, had these neat old cabins, was near a lake… And the people there accepted me right away. Everyone were asking me if I was coming to camp that summer. People actually talked to me, which meant the world to me 🙂

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One of the boys cabins 🙂

I did a lot of praying and thinking there. One night I went out walking. I looked at the stars (The stars, yesss! It felt so amazing to see the stars again ^_^) and prayed and asked God a lot of questions. Then right before I went back to the cabin I heard the sound of all the counselors singing hymns. It was a magical moment 🙂

It’s hard to explain, but that week made me a better Christian. I had kind of lost my spiritual fire, but it came back strong after that week 🙂

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By the time it was time to leave I was determined to ask Mom and Dad if I could go. Boy, was that whole deciding if I could go process a roller coaster 😉

It went something like this:

Maybe, no, maybe, no, yes, maybe, yes 😉

But finally, after all that, I was there. At an official week at camp. I couldn’t believe it 😀

I would tell you everything that happened at camp, but that would probably take about 30,000 words to do 😉

It was so amazing ^_^

We sang a lot of songs, played a lot of games, made friends, had devotionals… So much 🙂 I was in a great cabin and had a great counselor. I felt like I belonged there, no one made me feel like I was out of place.

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This was part of the live-action Clue game that we played one night 🙂 This is me and my cabin talking to Reverend Green.

Going to Camp for the First Time//Growing Up--Blank PagesMy sad attempt at tightrope walking 😉

Going to Camp for the First Time//Growing Up--Blank PagesChapel. It was so amazing to be able to hear all the kids singing every day.

Like I said, it was the closest thing I’ve found to home in New England 🙂 The day I had to leave everyone was asking why I had to leave. No one was very happy with me ;P (I had to leave a day early 🙁 ) I managed somehow to not start crying, surprisingly 😉

It was really good for me. It was very different from anything I had done before. I’m definitely planning on going back next year 😀 In a couple years, when I get old enough, I might think about counseling there 🙂 I think it would a great ministry for me, to be able to teach kids about God and the Bible 🙂

After we got back, my brother Noah and I talked for about three hours about everything that happened at camp 😉 It was a Sunday, and almost everyone was gone, so we started talking and completely lost track of time. That’s how much happened to us at camp 😉

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A random thought that may seem completely unconnected but to me it isn’t…

I’m growing up. It’s so weird, but I’m not such a little girl anymore 😛 It won’t be that much longer until I graduate. I’m realizing that more and more… I had a lot of people asking me what I was going to do, where I was going to college… The other kids my age talking about college and careers. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing 🙂 It’s weird to think about, but it’s going to happen sooner or later, whether I like it or not. All I can do is prepare for it 🙂 It feels real to me now. It never really has before. I know what I want to do now, what I think God is calling me to do. And I’ll just have to wait and see what lies on the road ahead. Whatever happens, God will be with me 🙂

“I’m going on an adventure!”
-Bilbo Baggins

Bye for now, peeps!

~Esther

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My Trip to Missouri//Favorite Moments

My trip to Missouri was absolutely amazing. I learned so much. It was the happiest time that I’ve had in a very long time.

I’m a part of Missouri. I do so much more that just live here. I can thrive here 🙂 It may not be the prettiest place on earth to most people, but it is to me 🙂 I pretty much started crying for joy after we got to my brother’s house 🙂 You can smell it in the air, you can feel it, you can see it… It all is telling me that I’m home ^_^

I stayed with my oldest sister for most of the time. Staying at her house… It felt like home. I love her little people so much. Saying goodbye to them…

There is a lot that I’m dealing with right now. I’m not exactly sure what God is telling me to do. Oh how I long for the carefree days of my youth sometimes. When I got back to Massachusetts it felt so very weird and wrong… The feeling has lessened some now, after being here almost two weeks. But there is always that feeling, stronger than others at times, of loneliness and sadness that never completely goes away. I don’t think it will go away, at least not anytime soon.

Favorite Missouri Moments

I’ll go through some of my favorite moments somewhat chronologically 😉 So yeah, not really chronologically at all 😉

I did a lot of babysitting, spent a lot of time with my niece and nephews (my oldest sisters kids). It was really special 🙂 Those kids are something special <3

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My Trip to Missouri//Favorite Moments--Blank Pages

I got to spend a lot of time with a couple friends (who happen to be sisters 😉 ) and got to catch up and play games and just be girls 🙂 Those times are very few for me so it was good for me ^_^ And hey, I found out that they had recently found out what an awesome movie Newsies is, so we were singing Newsies songs, making doughnuts, playing Spoons, painting nails… Yeah ^_^

 

I went to see the new Beauty and the Beast movie! Boy, was it amazing or what ^_^ It was different from the animated movie, but in a good way. I thought Emma Watson did a fair job with Belle. Gaston and the Beast were amazing ^_^

We had a Nerf war in the church building of some good friends of ours. It was insanely fun 😀 With hostages, bombs, brownies, good friends, how could it not be?? Okay, more like fake hostages and bombs 😉 The bomb was actually a walkie talkie in a tool box that one team hid and the other team had to find before the time ran out 🙂 On one of the rounds one boy and I were outside and we ran around the building and surprised everyone by coming in the back door 🙂 We were both shot right away, but it was still cool 😉

My Trip to Missouri, the nerf war-- Blank Pages

I got to go to our homeschool Co-Op twice 🙂 It was really good to be able to see everyone again. All the kids are growing up, getting taller and all that 🙂 Being back there I could almost imagine that nothing had changed. It brought back good memories 🙂

I was able to see some good friends of mine, we met at Ikea, tested out all the chairs, and sadly failed at getting lost 🙁 It was my first time being at an Ikea 🙂 I got to the scary stuffed heart with hands *shudders* Oh, and the stuffed giant toothbrush O_o We also went to Hobby Lobby (Best store ever 😀 ), looked at pretty things and lost our brothers 😉 (They were slightly less enthusiastic about going to Hobby Lobby than us 😉 )  Then we went out to the parking lot and said good-bye and gave hugs while the boys made fun of us 😉 “How long does it take to say good-bye?” “What, you’re hugging again??” We completely ignored them. Boys ;P

Watching movies with my older siblings again ^_^

Going to our church, seeing everyone there and hearing the lessons. It’s a special place 🙂 I was able to spend some time with my best friend there. We walked through the building talking about old times when we played there together as kids, and even found a room that we never knew was there before 😉 I also was able to go to my oldest sister’s church several times, which was good 🙂

 I got to go to dance practice!!! Man, I didn’t realize how much I had missed dancing until then. It was so much fun ^_^ I get better every time I go. Oh, I even waltzed for the first time in my life too! May need some practice on that one 😉 I feel sorry for the guy I was dancing with 😉 I was getting better by the end of the song, though 🙂

My Grandma started teaching me to drive! It was a lot of fun 🙂 I need a lot more practice still, but I at least have some experience now 🙂

I gained another nephew while I was there too!! When got back to my (oldest) sister’s house after staying at my other sisters house, Alyssa said: “Welcome back! I’m going into labor, so are you up for watching the kids?” 😉 I got to see the kids hold their baby brother for the first time. It was all really special.

Now, while there were a ton of high notes to the trip, there were some not so great moments too.

Near the end of my stay it seemed like all the plans I tried to make kept getting canceled. Not being able to go to my brother’s with the rest of my family, plans for getting together with friends in Kansas City to watch Moana was canceled the day of, making plans to stay the night at a friend’s house and then she got flooded in, not being able to stay at my brother’s house or really being able to spend any time with him or his family (That one really hurt), not being able to see another friend, and the big homeschool ball being two days after I left town.

All those things were really disappointing, and I may or may not have had a minor breakdown at church because of them (plus the dread of going back to Massachusetts), but that’s life I guess :-/ I’ll have to try even harder next time I go back to make those things happen.

Well, I’m sure there is more that I could talk about, but I think I’ve told you the most important highlights 🙂

Carrying the banner!

~Esther

 

 

 

 

 

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