Thoughts About 2016 and Moving-Part 2

If you haven’t read the first post about my move to Massachusetts, you can read it here.

The ride to Massachusetts was an emotional one. With every mile I knew I was leaving behind the home that I loved. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, or do anything. By the time we got to the hotel I was wiped out.

I honestly don’t really want to think about the days in the hotel. Days full of house hunting, church hunting, being ready to scream because I missed home and didn’t have any space where I could be alone.ย  And then, finally we got a house.

I thought that things would be better when we got a house, but they weren’t much. At least not at first. I think I cried more in 2016 than I have in my entire life before. I never used to cry.
But then I really started keeping up with my Bible study, and talked to God all the time. I think I realize why I had to move. There were some things about me that needed to change. That wasn’t happening in Missouri. And then I had absolutely everything and everyone I relied on taken away from me. Everything except God. He became my best friend, in a way He never had been before. It really is amazing.
And yet, even though things were great for me spiritual wise, I still wasn’t happy. Massachusetts didn’t feel like home at all.

home |hลm| โ€จnoun

โ€จthe place where one lives permanently, esp. as a member of a family or household

That’s the official definition. But home should be so much more than that… It should be a place where your family comes to visit, and all your nieces and nephews run around, and everyone is laughing and having fun. And where you invite all your friends over to do henna for your birthday, and are laughing the whole time and somehow start quoting Captain Jack Sparrow, and when you have stories about every single room in the house about where Luke made a hole in the wall, or that’s where we used to pretend to go treasure hunting. Home should be a place where you want to be. A place where, after having a very long day, you drive in the driveway and think happily: “I’m home at last.”
That’s home to me.
And none of those things have happened at the house in Massachusetts. Maybe it just takes awhile to get adjusted, I don’t know. But even though it’s difficult, and I would rather be someplace else, I have gotten to the point where I’m content with being here. Most of the time.

Philipians 4: 11-12 NKJV
Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

So yes, this year has been challenge. But I’ve grown, overcome obstacles, and cried more than I thought was possible. I may not have enjoyed any of it, but the Lord has a plan for me in all of this, I just haven’t discovered it yet.
So that’s the sum up of my year. One full of growth, lots of baby announcements (Speaking of baby announcements, I’ve just become an aunt for the 8th time! ๐Ÿ˜€ To a sweet baby girl ^_^), and loneliness.

A lot of loneliness, actually. 2016 was a year where it was just me and God. Which was good sometimes, but there were a lot of times where I wanted a friend that I could call up on the phone and just talk… But all my friends from back home were always busy, going on with their lives, while I wasn’t. An occasional email was the best I got most of the time. And I know that I should try more, people just don’t realize sometimes. But I can’t help but think that maybe they could have tried harder too. And I’m pretty sure that teenage girls are nonexistent in Massachusetts… Making friends is hard enough for me when there are people around, but when there isn’t any it is considerably harder ๐Ÿ˜› We go to a pretty small church where our family makes up half of the kids ๐Ÿ˜›
Anyway, I’m doing okay about half of the time ๐Ÿ˜‰ And waiting eagerly for our trip back in June. I miss everyone so very much!!! And Missouri. Missouri will always be where my heart is.
So here’s to 2017! May you be a better year than 2016.
-Esther

P.S Wow… That felt good to write ๐Ÿ˜›