Two Years Ago I left Missouri//Bringing Ya’all Up to Date :)

Two Years Ago I left Missouri--Blank Pages

It’s been almost two years since I moved away from Missouri.

So, to my fellow Missourians who are wondering how I’m doing, this is for you πŸ™‚

That first year away was so hard. Most of you know. But, hard as it was, I’m not sorry it happened. It made me be stronger than I ever thought I could be πŸ™‚ I’ve grown so much these past two years. No more is the little girl who was scared to death of talking to people, who never fit in, who was still so young and insecure.

Main points of the last two years
  • My relationship with God has soared in the past two years. I’ve still got a lot to learn, but I’ve grown so much spiritually πŸ™‚ A fire has ignited in me and ain’t nobody gonna put it out πŸ˜€
  • I’ve realized how much I enjoy writing. Before, it was kind of a hobby, but I never really believed I was good at it. I’m not sure exactly when that mindset changed. Little by little it dawned on me. A lot of things happened to me to make me realize, the class I took at camp, getting a couple of my stories published in a magazine (You can read them here and here), writing the play for the homeschool Co-Op… And more πŸ™‚ I’m continue to grow and improve, and we’ll see where God takes me with it πŸ™‚
  • This may sound slightly bad… But moving away, not seeing or being around my older siblings, forced me to develop more of my own personality. For as long as I can remember I’ve tried to gain the approval of my older siblings, and tried to do things the way they did. If they liked a certain movie or disliked a certain movie, chances are I would like or dislike it too. I didn’t even realize it a lot of the time. Getting away, I had to learn to do things me own way. I realized “Wait, I actually don’t like this artist, or song, or movie…” “Why did they always do things this way??” πŸ˜‰
  • I’ve become WAY more of an extrovert. Having to start completely over with making friends, I realized how much I need people, how much I enjoy spending time with those I love. I’m way more a social person than I ever thought possible. Not that I don’t still have my moments… There are still times when I need space and you’re taking your life into your own hands if you speak to me πŸ˜‰ So I’m an extroverted introvert?
  • I’ve learned to accept this awkward, clumsy, occasionally graceful, unathletic mess that God has made me πŸ˜€
  • I know. I’m not sure I can elaborate. I know what I’m being called to do, where God wants me now, where I want to be years from now. Secret hopes and dreams are being stockpiled πŸ˜‰ You’ll just have to stick around to see what that means!

I could probably write a book about everything I’ve learned the past two years, but you get the idea πŸ™‚ I still miss Missouri so very much. It will always be home. Nothing is going to change that πŸ™‚

I’ve learned not to think about it. It hurts too much when I think about it. Someday, maybe I can think about Missouri and my life there without tearing up (inside and out), but I kinda doubt it.

*Opens arms wide* I’ve got a crazy blessed life. I love the life I have. I now greet everyday with a smile and an Owl City song (Ha πŸ˜‰ )

There are a lot of new opportunities coming up for me… I’ll be starting work at a local ice cream shop soon, I’m going to be helping my mom with a writing class for our Co-Op starting this fall, I’m going to camp this summer…Β  I’m excited about all of them πŸ™‚ I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me.

Stay strong, you all. Life may be difficult at times, but stay strong. God will get you through it πŸ™‚

~Esther

*Twirls cape and vanishes*

Different Things, ‘Cause I Needed to Post Something!

Hey ya’ll!

A lot is happening right now and I probably won’t get a chance to post for quite awhile after this.

Our family is taking a trip back to Missouri soon, and oh, I can’t tell you how happy that makes me to just think about it ^_^ It’s kind of my reward, proof that I really have survived the last 6 months. To see the people I love, to visit my woods and the places where I used to roam.

Looking back, my life in Missouri seemed so perfect. I knew it too πŸ™‚ So why did it have to change? Why couldn’t things have stayed perfect? I can’t answer that. Only God knows πŸ™‚ All I know is that I have grown from it, I’m different than I was a year ago.

We’ll see what happens in Missouri πŸ™‚ I’m so excited… And a tad nervous too. I don’t know what will happen, if the people will be the same, or if we’ll get to do all the things that I want to do. Have people missed me? What’s happened since we’ve been gone? I’m trying not to think about it too much πŸ˜‰ I’m sure it will be fine.

15 hours in the car, in one day, with my siblings πŸ˜› That’s what I’ll be going through pretty soon πŸ˜‰ I’m not too worried, though. I’m pretty good about traveling. Hopefully I can manage not to sit next to my sister the whole time πŸ˜‰

The first half of the winter we didn’t get much snow; but that wasn’t the case for the last half! We got about 22 inches in February! And as I’m writing right now there’s practically a blizzard outside πŸ˜› We’re supposedly supposed to get 12 inches or so. Spring come soon…

Next Topic…

I just finished reading the Thrawn Trilogy… And boy, was it amazing!! It’s one of my favorite series now, I have to say πŸ™‚ It had some cool new characters: Mara Jade, Talon Karrde, Grand Admiral Thrawn… And then some πŸ™‚Β  It really felt like an extension to the 4th, 5th and 6th episodes. Take my advice: it’s an amazing series!! XD

See ya soon!! XD

~Esther

P.S I have another niece and nephew! (No, not twins πŸ˜‰ ) So happy to be seeing them soon ^_^

 

 

 

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Thoughts About 2016 and Moving-Part 2

If you haven’t read the first post about my move to Massachusetts, you can read it here.

The ride to Massachusetts was an emotional one. With every mile I knew I was leaving behind the home that I loved. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, or do anything. By the time we got to the hotel I was wiped out.

I honestly don’t really want to think about the days in the hotel. Days full of house hunting, church hunting, being ready to scream because I missed home and didn’t have any space where I could be alone.Β  And then, finally we got a house.

I thought that things would be better when we got a house, but they weren’t much. At least not at first. I think I cried more in 2016 than I have in my entire life before. I never used to cry.
But then I really started keeping up with my Bible study, and talked to God all the time. I think I realize why I had to move. There were some things about me that needed to change. That wasn’t happening in Missouri. And then I had absolutely everything and everyone I relied on taken away from me. Everything except God. He became my best friend, in a way He never had been before. It really is amazing.
And yet, even though things were great for me spiritual wise, I still wasn’t happy. Massachusetts didn’t feel like home at all.

home |hōm| 
noun


the place where one lives permanently, esp. as a member of a family or household

That’s the official definition. But home should be so much more than that… It should be a place where your family comes to visit, and all your nieces and nephews run around, and everyone is laughing and having fun. And where you invite all your friends over to do henna for your birthday, and are laughing the whole time and somehow start quoting Captain Jack Sparrow, and when you have stories about every single room in the house about where Luke made a hole in the wall, or that’s where we used to pretend to go treasure hunting. Home should be a place where you want to be. A place where, after having a very long day, you drive in the driveway and think happily: “I’m home at last.”
That’s home to me.
And none of those things have happened at the house in Massachusetts. Maybe it just takes awhile to get adjusted, I don’t know. But even though it’s difficult, and I would rather be someplace else, I have gotten to the point where I’m content with being here. Most of the time.

Philipians 4: 11-12 NKJV
Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

So yes, this year has been challenge. But I’ve grown, overcome obstacles, and cried more than I thought was possible. I may not have enjoyed any of it, but the Lord has a plan for me in all of this, I just haven’t discovered it yet.
So that’s the sum up of my year. One full of growth, lots of baby announcements (Speaking of baby announcements, I’ve just become an aunt for the 8th time! πŸ˜€ To a sweet baby girl ^_^), and loneliness.

A lot of loneliness, actually. 2016 was a year where it was just me and God. Which was good sometimes, but there were a lot of times where I wanted a friend that I could call up on the phone and just talk… But all my friends from back home were always busy, going on with their lives, while I wasn’t. An occasional email was the best I got most of the time. And I know that I should try more, people just don’t realize sometimes. But I can’t help but think that maybe they could have tried harder too. And I’m pretty sure that teenage girls are nonexistent in Massachusetts… Making friends is hard enough for me when there are people around, but when there isn’t any it is considerably harder πŸ˜› We go to a pretty small church where our family makes up half of the kids πŸ˜›
Anyway, I’m doing okay about half of the time πŸ˜‰ And waiting eagerly for our trip back in June. I miss everyone so very much!!! And Missouri. Missouri will always be where my heart is.
So here’s to 2017! May you be a better year than 2016.
-Esther

P.S Wow… That felt good to write πŸ˜›

Thoughts About 2016 and Moving-Part 1

So, in short, 2016 was probably the least enjoyable year of my life. Maybe even the worst. That doesn’t mean good things didn’t happen in 2016, some very good things did. Elegant Evening, my brother’s wedding, Co-Op. The year started out great, but then got steadily worse…

Things kind of started in March when Mom talked to me about a couple job applications that Dad had put it, which didn’t sound like he would get. In which case we would probably move to the town where our church was. Which would have been great! I would be super close to my best friend, the church, and closer to a lot of things. It would have been a little different, but not that much.

And then both of Dad’s job applications started getting more promising… He had a couple of phone interviews, and it was going farther than any other application that he had made before. And then it became more apparent that we would be moving. Not just a half an hour away, more like 14 or 20 hoursΒ  away.

I think March 30th or 31st was the day that I knew this thing was going to happen. And it still didn’t seem real. Moving? Really? Our family doesn’t do that. It’s just a joke, right?Β But no, it wasn’t. I remember going to my soon to be sister-in-law’s wedding shower that her church had put on for her and feeling so numb and ready to cry knowing what was coming. And not being able to tell anyone… That was very hard. One Sunday at church I want up to my best friend and hugged her and started crying. Of course she asked me what was wrong, but I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone… Mom and Dad hadn’t even told all my siblings yet so of course I couldn’t talk about it.

And then one day in early April Dad called from work to ask us if we could take a week long vacation to Massachusetts in a couple of hours. They wanted him to come for an interview in person. So we packed up, and left two hours later. It took maybe 6 days to get there and back. And Dad was really impressed with the place there, everyone thought that the area was really pretty. And it got even more complicated… Dad got an offer from the place in Louisiana, as well as an unofficial one from Massachusetts. So Mom and Dad asked all of us where we would rather live. It was a hard choice… But I couldn’t shake off the feeling that Massachusetts was where God wanted us to be. And that’s where Mom and Dad decided to go.

I don’t remember how soon we told everybody… We talked to all our siblings on the way back to Missouri, and I think we told the people at our church soon after that. It was so hard telling friends… I cried, and choked up and couldn’t talk and felt guilty that I hadn’t told them before.

And then cleaning. So much cleaning. Which really wasn’t much fun, but it had to be done if we were to sell our house. So with cleaning, getting ready for the wedding, and Co-Op, we were quite busy for awhile. And then Co-Op ended, Luke got married… But cleaning didn’t end until we left. I had so many plans of saying goodbye… To my woods, the house, my friends… Not many of them got done. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t say goodbye. And since we hadn’t sold the house I knew we would be back.

The night before we left Luke and Hannah came over, and we all went to buy fireworks with them. We piled into their little red car after supper and drove 20 minutes to get fireworks just like we had done every year for as long as I can remember. The drive back I remember playing music full blast, and the fireflies flying past us like shooting stars in the night. I can’t remember if I cried or not.

So we shot fireworks off, and then talked, and I hoped that that night would never end… But eventually they had to leave. It was not easy for me to say goodbye. I hugged Luke and didn’t want to let go… And then they left. I haven’t seen them since then.

After they left we all got ready for bed. The house was completely empty, except for a recliner, and a couple other things. Everyone except me was sleeping upstairs; I had the basement all to myself. I went down, started getting ready for bed, then collapsed on the recliner cryingΒ  like I never had before. I cried so hard that night. Up to then I had wanted to cry, but it would never come out. It all did then.

~to be continued~

Click here for Part 2