Ummm… It’s Been Awhile, Huh?

Goodness… Well, I’m bad at this πŸ˜› It’s been more than a year. My excuse: I’ve been busy having fun, making friends, and having new experiences! πŸ˜€

Oh, and I graduated high school too. That was fun πŸ˜‰

I don’t even know where to start. God is good, and He’s definitely been working in my life πŸ™‚ Sooo, yup, it’s bullet list time! XD

  • Camp has been such a huge part of my life ^_^ I counseled this summer. Goodness… I struggle to answer when people ask me how it was. Most of the time a million words spill out when I try to explain. Amazing. Wonderful. Hard. Tiring. Rewarding. But when I really think about it, being able to be a positive impact in kids lives, seeing lives changed for the better is the most amazing thing <3
    There were definite hard moments, times when I wondered if I was gonna survive the summer. But there were also crazy fun moments πŸ˜‰ The counseling staff were all insane and I grew to love them so much <3

 

  • September 2018 was the month I started the adventure of musical theater. I haven’t regretted it ^_^ I was blessed to be able to be a part of A Christmas Carol that winter. We had 9 performances, hundreds of audience members, and we even recorded a soundtrack XD The people I’ve grown to love, the experience I’ve gained, the memories… I wouldn’t trade it for anything πŸ™‚ My confidence, especially in singing, really has soared πŸ™‚ And now I’m in a production of Esther! We have the first performance this Friday and I’m so excited!! XD

 

  • Work is… Work πŸ™‚ For the most part I enjoy it πŸ™‚ There are good days and bad days. It’s fun most of the time, eating ice cream, cleaning, washing dishes, serving people. I’ve learned a lot, and definitely learned how to deal with people πŸ˜‰
  • Writing… Is still happening πŸ˜‰ Sort of. Between work and rehearsals I haven’t had time for anything else. So once Esther is all over with I’ll be able to get back to that, and finish the first draft of my novel! It’s ~almost~ finished ^_^
  • I went back home too! I miss it :'(

So there ya go! The shortened version. It’s been a whirlwind of a year. There’s been highs and lows, laughing and crying. I’m also really old and not used to it yet :O But I’ve got plans and dreams. I’m realizing that the path I’ve chosen might not be the easiest, but that’s okay πŸ™‚ All I want is to go where God wants me.

Anyhow, love ya’ll <3 Hopefully I can be slightly more consistent with posting, heh πŸ˜‰

~Esther

My Trip to Missouri//Favorite Moments

My trip to Missouri was absolutely amazing. I learned so much. It was the happiest time that I’ve had in a very long time.

I’m a part of Missouri. I do so much more that just live here. I can thrive here πŸ™‚ It may not be the prettiest place on earth to most people, but it is to me πŸ™‚ I pretty much started crying for joy after we got to my brother’s house πŸ™‚ You can smell it in the air, you can feel it, you can see it… It all is telling me that I’m home ^_^

I stayed with my oldest sister for most of the time. Staying at her house… It felt like home. I love her little people so much. Saying goodbye to them…

There is a lot that I’m dealing with right now. I’m not exactly sure what God is telling me to do. Oh how I long for the carefree days of my youth sometimes. When I got back to Massachusetts it felt so very weird and wrong… The feeling has lessened some now, after being here almost two weeks. But there is always that feeling, stronger than others at times, of loneliness and sadness that never completely goes away. I don’t think it will go away, at least not anytime soon.

Favorite Missouri Moments

I’ll go through some of my favorite moments somewhat chronologically πŸ˜‰ So yeah, not really chronologically at all πŸ˜‰

I did a lot of babysitting, spent a lot of time with my niece and nephews (my oldest sisters kids). It was really special πŸ™‚ Those kids are something special <3

Nephew #9--Blank Pages

Nature walk--Blank Pages

My Trip to Missouri//Favorite Moments--Blank Pages

I got to spend a lot of time with a couple friends (who happen to be sisters πŸ˜‰ ) and got to catch up and play games and just be girls πŸ™‚ Those times are very few for me so it was good for me ^_^ And hey, I found out that they had recently found out what an awesome movie Newsies is, so we were singing Newsies songs, making doughnuts, playing Spoons, painting nails… Yeah ^_^

 

I went to see the new Beauty and the Beast movie! Boy, was it amazing or what ^_^ It was different from the animated movie, but in a good way. I thought Emma Watson did a fair job with Belle. Gaston and the Beast were amazing ^_^

We had a Nerf war in the church building of some good friends of ours. It was insanely fun πŸ˜€ With hostages, bombs, brownies, good friends, how could it not be?? Okay, more like fake hostages and bombs πŸ˜‰ The bomb was actually a walkie talkie in a tool box that one team hid and the other team had to find before the time ran out πŸ™‚ On one of the rounds one boy and I were outside and we ran around the building and surprised everyone by coming in the back door πŸ™‚ We were both shot right away, but it was still cool πŸ˜‰

My Trip to Missouri, the nerf war-- Blank Pages

I got to go to our homeschool Co-Op twice πŸ™‚ It was really good to be able to see everyone again. All the kids are growing up, getting taller and all that πŸ™‚ Being back there I could almost imagine that nothing had changed. It brought back good memories πŸ™‚

I was able to see some good friends of mine, we met at Ikea, tested out all the chairs, and sadly failed at getting lost πŸ™ It was my first time being at an Ikea πŸ™‚ I got to the scary stuffed heart with hands *shudders* Oh, and the stuffed giant toothbrush O_o We also went to Hobby Lobby (Best store ever πŸ˜€ ), looked at pretty things and lost our brothers πŸ˜‰ (They were slightly less enthusiastic about going to Hobby Lobby than us πŸ˜‰ )Β  Then we went out to the parking lot and said good-bye and gave hugs while the boys made fun of us πŸ˜‰ “How long does it take to say good-bye?” “What, you’re hugging again??” We completely ignored them. Boys ;P

Watching movies with my older siblings again ^_^

Going to our church, seeing everyone there and hearing the lessons. It’s a special place πŸ™‚ I was able to spend some time with my best friend there. We walked through the building talking about old times when we played there together as kids, and even found a room that we never knew was there before πŸ˜‰ I also was able to go to my oldest sister’s church several times, which was good πŸ™‚

Β I got to go to dance practice!!! Man, I didn’t realize how much I had missed dancing until then. It was so much fun ^_^ I get better every time I go. Oh, I even waltzed for the first time in my life too! May need some practice on that one πŸ˜‰ I feel sorry for the guy I was dancing with πŸ˜‰ I was getting better by the end of the song, though πŸ™‚

My Grandma started teaching me to drive! It was a lot of fun πŸ™‚ I need a lot more practice still, but I at least have some experience now πŸ™‚

I gained another nephew while I was there too!! When got back to my (oldest) sister’s house after staying at my other sisters house, Alyssa said: “Welcome back! I’m going into labor, so are you up for watching the kids?” πŸ˜‰ I got to see the kids hold their baby brother for the first time. It was all really special.

Now, while there were a ton of high notes to the trip, there were some not so great moments too.

Near the end of my stay it seemed like all the plans I tried to make kept getting canceled. Not being able to go to my brother’s with the rest of my family, plans for getting together with friends in Kansas City to watch Moana was canceled the day of, making plans to stay the night at a friend’s house and then she got flooded in, not being able to stay at my brother’s house or really being able to spend any time with him or his family (That one really hurt), not being able to see another friend, and the big homeschool ball being two days after I left town.

All those things were really disappointing, and I may or may not have had a minor breakdown at church because of them (plus the dread of going back to Massachusetts), but that’s life I guess :-/ I’ll have to try even harder next time I go back to make those things happen.

Well, I’m sure there is more that I could talk about, but I think I’ve told you the most important highlights πŸ™‚

Carrying the banner!

~Esther

 

 

 

 

 

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Thoughts About 2016 and Moving-Part 2

If you haven’t read the first post about my move to Massachusetts, you can read it here.

The ride to Massachusetts was an emotional one. With every mile I knew I was leaving behind the home that I loved. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, or do anything. By the time we got to the hotel I was wiped out.

I honestly don’t really want to think about the days in the hotel. Days full of house hunting, church hunting, being ready to scream because I missed home and didn’t have any space where I could be alone.Β  And then, finally we got a house.

I thought that things would be better when we got a house, but they weren’t much. At least not at first. I think I cried more in 2016 than I have in my entire life before. I never used to cry.
But then I really started keeping up with my Bible study, and talked to God all the time. I think I realize why I had to move. There were some things about me that needed to change. That wasn’t happening in Missouri. And then I had absolutely everything and everyone I relied on taken away from me. Everything except God. He became my best friend, in a way He never had been before. It really is amazing.
And yet, even though things were great for me spiritual wise, I still wasn’t happy. Massachusetts didn’t feel like home at all.

home |hōm| 
noun


the place where one lives permanently, esp. as a member of a family or household

That’s the official definition. But home should be so much more than that… It should be a place where your family comes to visit, and all your nieces and nephews run around, and everyone is laughing and having fun. And where you invite all your friends over to do henna for your birthday, and are laughing the whole time and somehow start quoting Captain Jack Sparrow, and when you have stories about every single room in the house about where Luke made a hole in the wall, or that’s where we used to pretend to go treasure hunting. Home should be a place where you want to be. A place where, after having a very long day, you drive in the driveway and think happily: “I’m home at last.”
That’s home to me.
And none of those things have happened at the house in Massachusetts. Maybe it just takes awhile to get adjusted, I don’t know. But even though it’s difficult, and I would rather be someplace else, I have gotten to the point where I’m content with being here. Most of the time.

Philipians 4: 11-12 NKJV
Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

So yes, this year has been challenge. But I’ve grown, overcome obstacles, and cried more than I thought was possible. I may not have enjoyed any of it, but the Lord has a plan for me in all of this, I just haven’t discovered it yet.
So that’s the sum up of my year. One full of growth, lots of baby announcements (Speaking of baby announcements, I’ve just become an aunt for the 8th time! πŸ˜€ To a sweet baby girl ^_^), and loneliness.

A lot of loneliness, actually. 2016 was a year where it was just me and God. Which was good sometimes, but there were a lot of times where I wanted a friend that I could call up on the phone and just talk… But all my friends from back home were always busy, going on with their lives, while I wasn’t. An occasional email was the best I got most of the time. And I know that I should try more, people just don’t realize sometimes. But I can’t help but think that maybe they could have tried harder too. And I’m pretty sure that teenage girls are nonexistent in Massachusetts… Making friends is hard enough for me when there are people around, but when there isn’t any it is considerably harder πŸ˜› We go to a pretty small church where our family makes up half of the kids πŸ˜›
Anyway, I’m doing okay about half of the time πŸ˜‰ And waiting eagerly for our trip back in June. I miss everyone so very much!!! And Missouri. Missouri will always be where my heart is.
So here’s to 2017! May you be a better year than 2016.
-Esther

P.S Wow… That felt good to write πŸ˜›

Thoughts About 2016 and Moving-Part 1

So, in short, 2016 was probably the least enjoyable year of my life. Maybe even the worst. That doesn’t mean good things didn’t happen in 2016, some very good things did. Elegant Evening, my brother’s wedding, Co-Op. The year started out great, but then got steadily worse…

Things kind of started in March when Mom talked to me about a couple job applications that Dad had put it, which didn’t sound like he would get. In which case we would probably move to the town where our church was. Which would have been great! I would be super close to my best friend, the church, and closer to a lot of things. It would have been a little different, but not that much.

And then both of Dad’s job applications started getting more promising… He had a couple of phone interviews, and it was going farther than any other application that he had made before. And then it became more apparent that we would be moving. Not just a half an hour away, more like 14 or 20 hoursΒ  away.

I think March 30th or 31st was the day that I knew this thing was going to happen. And it still didn’t seem real. Moving? Really? Our family doesn’t do that. It’s just a joke, right?Β But no, it wasn’t. I remember going to my soon to be sister-in-law’s wedding shower that her church had put on for her and feeling so numb and ready to cry knowing what was coming. And not being able to tell anyone… That was very hard. One Sunday at church I want up to my best friend and hugged her and started crying. Of course she asked me what was wrong, but I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone… Mom and Dad hadn’t even told all my siblings yet so of course I couldn’t talk about it.

And then one day in early April Dad called from work to ask us if we could take a week long vacation to Massachusetts in a couple of hours. They wanted him to come for an interview in person. So we packed up, and left two hours later. It took maybe 6 days to get there and back. And Dad was really impressed with the place there, everyone thought that the area was really pretty. And it got even more complicated… Dad got an offer from the place in Louisiana, as well as an unofficial one from Massachusetts. So Mom and Dad asked all of us where we would rather live. It was a hard choice… But I couldn’t shake off the feeling that Massachusetts was where God wanted us to be. And that’s where Mom and Dad decided to go.

I don’t remember how soon we told everybody… We talked to all our siblings on the way back to Missouri, and I think we told the people at our church soon after that. It was so hard telling friends… I cried, and choked up and couldn’t talk and felt guilty that I hadn’t told them before.

And then cleaning. So much cleaning. Which really wasn’t much fun, but it had to be done if we were to sell our house. So with cleaning, getting ready for the wedding, and Co-Op, we were quite busy for awhile. And then Co-Op ended, Luke got married… But cleaning didn’t end until we left. I had so many plans of saying goodbye… To my woods, the house, my friends… Not many of them got done. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t say goodbye. And since we hadn’t sold the house I knew we would be back.

The night before we left Luke and Hannah came over, and we all went to buy fireworks with them. We piled into their little red car after supper and drove 20 minutes to get fireworks just like we had done every year for as long as I can remember. The drive back I remember playing music full blast, and the fireflies flying past us like shooting stars in the night. I can’t remember if I cried or not.

So we shot fireworks off, and then talked, and I hoped that that night would never end… But eventually they had to leave. It was not easy for me to say goodbye. I hugged Luke and didn’t want to let go… And then they left. I haven’t seen them since then.

After they left we all got ready for bed. The house was completely empty, except for a recliner, and a couple other things. Everyone except me was sleeping upstairs; I had the basement all to myself. I went down, started getting ready for bed, then collapsed on the recliner cryingΒ  like I never had before. I cried so hard that night. Up to then I had wanted to cry, but it would never come out. It all did then.

~to be continued~

Click here for Part 2