Two Years Ago I left Missouri//Bringing Ya’all Up to Date :)

Two Years Ago I left Missouri--Blank Pages

It’s been almost two years since I moved away from Missouri.

So, to my fellow Missourians who are wondering how I’m doing, this is for you 🙂

That first year away was so hard. Most of you know. But, hard as it was, I’m not sorry it happened. It made me be stronger than I ever thought I could be 🙂 I’ve grown so much these past two years. No more is the little girl who was scared to death of talking to people, who never fit in, who was still so young and insecure.

Main points of the last two years
  • My relationship with God has soared in the past two years. I’ve still got a lot to learn, but I’ve grown so much spiritually 🙂 A fire has ignited in me and ain’t nobody gonna put it out 😀
  • I’ve realized how much I enjoy writing. Before, it was kind of a hobby, but I never really believed I was good at it. I’m not sure exactly when that mindset changed. Little by little it dawned on me. A lot of things happened to me to make me realize, the class I took at camp, getting a couple of my stories published in a magazine (You can read them here and here), writing the play for the homeschool Co-Op… And more 🙂 I’m continue to grow and improve, and we’ll see where God takes me with it 🙂
  • This may sound slightly bad… But moving away, not seeing or being around my older siblings, forced me to develop more of my own personality. For as long as I can remember I’ve tried to gain the approval of my older siblings, and tried to do things the way they did. If they liked a certain movie or disliked a certain movie, chances are I would like or dislike it too. I didn’t even realize it a lot of the time. Getting away, I had to learn to do things me own way. I realized “Wait, I actually don’t like this artist, or song, or movie…” “Why did they always do things this way??” 😉
  • I’ve become WAY more of an extrovert. Having to start completely over with making friends, I realized how much I need people, how much I enjoy spending time with those I love. I’m way more a social person than I ever thought possible. Not that I don’t still have my moments… There are still times when I need space and you’re taking your life into your own hands if you speak to me 😉 So I’m an extroverted introvert?
  • I’ve learned to accept this awkward, clumsy, occasionally graceful, unathletic mess that God has made me 😀
  • I know. I’m not sure I can elaborate. I know what I’m being called to do, where God wants me now, where I want to be years from now. Secret hopes and dreams are being stockpiled 😉 You’ll just have to stick around to see what that means!

I could probably write a book about everything I’ve learned the past two years, but you get the idea 🙂 I still miss Missouri so very much. It will always be home. Nothing is going to change that 🙂

I’ve learned not to think about it. It hurts too much when I think about it. Someday, maybe I can think about Missouri and my life there without tearing up (inside and out), but I kinda doubt it.

*Opens arms wide* I’ve got a crazy blessed life. I love the life I have. I now greet everyday with a smile and an Owl City song (Ha 😉 )

There are a lot of new opportunities coming up for me… I’ll be starting work at a local ice cream shop soon, I’m going to be helping my mom with a writing class for our Co-Op starting this fall, I’m going to camp this summer…  I’m excited about all of them 🙂 I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me.

Stay strong, you all. Life may be difficult at times, but stay strong. God will get you through it 🙂

~Esther

*Twirls cape and vanishes*

~Highlights From 2017~ 2018 is Almost Here!

2018 is almost here! It’s hard to believe that 2017 is about to come to a close. Reflecting back over the year… It was a good one 🙂 So much happened. It started off super rough. I was so done mentally, done with being lonely and feeling sorry for myself. The resolution I made for 2017 was to have a better year than 2016. But then it all turned around and ended up as a year that will be very special for a long time ^_^

Here’s some of the my highlights of 2017 🙂

  • My trip to Missouri. Even though it was really difficult (There was a lot I was dealing with.), it was good to go  spend time with some of my siblings and nieces and nephews. It all was very bittersweet.
  • Camp. Where I found healing 🙂 Everyone that I met there, everything I did… All the fun I had 🙂
  • Co-Op. I’m not sure that I could have survived another year without it ^_^ The people there especially. Everyone there accepted me as one of them without a moment’s hesitation. It didn’t take me long at all before it became a normal part of my life 🙂
  • One family that I and my family has gotten close to in the Co-Op 🙂 They’re the sweetest family. We’re really similar, but different at the same time. They’ve been such a blessing.
  • Theater. That’s one of the classes I’m taking at Co-Op. I wasn’t sure about it the first time I went, but it definitely went up from there 🙂 One of the first classes I volunteered to help write the script. I’m so glad I did ^_^ I had no idea I would enjoy it so much.
  • Thanksgiving. I’ve never really enjoyed Thanksgiving that much, but this year was different 🙂 I did a lot of the baking and helping with preparation,which I really enjoyed. And then we had the family mentioned above over for dinner. We ate good food, talked, played games afterward… It wasn’t anything fancy or spectacular; everything was very low key. It was one of, and quite possibly the best, Thanksgivings I’ve ever had 🙂
  • Going to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Aaaaaaaaahh!! I saw it about two weeks ago, so I’m still fan girling about it ^_^ My brother and I dressed up as jedi. We went with people from our church. It was so much fun XD

The Last Jedi-- Blank Pages

holidays aren’t always the best time of the year

Thanksgiving is right around the corner. The stores are already decked out in Christmas decorations. Everyone is in a good mood, right??

Well, it’s not always that simple 😛

For most people holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, and Independence Day are enjoyable times that are spent with friends and family doing fun things. But there are some people that have a hard time during holidays.

I’m one of them.

I used to love holidays. The food, the friends, the presents, the traditions… What was there not to like about it?

Then everything changed. We moved, and holidays suddenly weren’t happy times anymore. I couldn’t get together with friends or family. Traditions became pointless. Holidays (especially Christmas) felt superfluous. It felt like they were there to remind me how alone I was, and how much I missed home. All around me people were with their families, talking about how much they loved the holidays, and being constantly happy and cheery.

4th of July was not pretty either 😛 4th of July was always one of my favorite holidays. My family always had a big party where we would eat watermelon and shoot off fireworks, have people over to our house… It was a big deal 🙂 It was a time that I looked forward to every year. My older brother always was in charge of the fireworks, and he was great at it 🙂

Independence Day 2017… Yeah. No fireworks, no friends, nothin’. I thought of my older brother the whole day. He had always made 4th of July so special. I finally had to call him, just to hear his voice. The tears fell down my face practically the whole time I was talking to him. 4th of July will never be the same without him.

Not having any of that is hard. To be away from the ones I love, to not be able to do any of the traditions I grew up with.

I know I am not the only one that struggles with this. Others feel the same way. Whether it’s because of having moved, losing someone you love, or bad memories involving the holidays.

I don’t have a solution, or an instant remedy that will cure you of holiday sadness. All the advice I have is to lean on God stronger than ever during these times.

What really helps is when those around you are understanding. When they realize that, hey, Christmas is not the most wonderful time of year for some people. And that’s okay. There’s no law saying that the holidays has to be your favorite time of the year.

And if you do enjoy the holidays, that’s great ^_^ I remember those times too 🙂

Those a just a few thoughts of mine. Most of this most was actually a rant that I wrote on the 4th of July to try to make me feel better 😉 But I thought this was worthy of posting.

Bye for now!

~Esther

 

Do Things Ever Really Get Better?

We’ve all heard people say it. You’re going through a hard time and all people can tell you is: “Just wait, things will get better!” But do we really believe them? Do things ever really get better?
Keep reading, maybe I can help 🙂
 June 2016 through June 2017.
That sentence pretty much sends a shudder through me.
Most people who know me know that the last year has been very hard for me. Some people more than others. There were times when I would just want to give up, but I kept praying that God would somehow make things better for me and help me understand what was going on, and help me get through.
He answered my prayers completely 🙂 It didn’t happen instantly. I suffered for a long time. Then I found a place that helped. A place that God knew I needed 🙂 Camp. It helped me refocus and find my freedom again. I found friends, and purpose in life again, I felt free again. I was no longer burdened down with all my emotions and sadness. I started not just living from day to day, but actually smiling when I woke up in the mornings, like I used to.
And after that the blessings kept continuing…. We found a Co-Op/homeschool group, which was exactly what we had been looking for for quite awhile. We’ve gotten together with them a few times, I’ve met some people that I think may quite possibly turn out to become friends of mine 🙂 Through the school year this year we’ll be doing Co-Op classes. I’ll be able to do theater again!!!! Oh, that feels so good to say ^_^ I’ve been out of theater way too long 🙁
God is giving me lots of new opportunities. I couldn’t be happier ^_^ I’m getting the chance to be a teenager again ^_^
 Do Things Ever Really Get Better?--Blank Pages
If I had I choice… I’m not sure that I would rewind my life back to before we moved. Yes, I would rather have never moved and I miss Missouri so much, but there are starting to be some rewards from moving. I’ve grown in my relationship with God (Something that probably wouldn’t have happened so quickly if I hadn’t moved), I found my camp, another home that I never would have found otherwise. I’ve grown up so much. It’s crazy. I’m so different from that little girl I was a year ago.
So what I want to tell anyone who is struggling out there, people that are going through tough times, it will get better. It will. No matter how hopeless your situation looks, you are not alone. God is with you, and he can do something beautiful with your life. You just need to be patient enough to see that.
I didn’t really believe this not long ago. I had people tell me: “It will get better, don’t worry” I would nod my head and pretend like I heard them, but in my heart I could not believe it.
How could things get better, I thought. I don’t see anything changing. Nope, I’m going to be completely miserable for a loooong time.
That’s what I thought. I would pray and pray and ask God to help me, to tell me what to do. Then, all of a sudden, things did get better.
Life can’t be Buttercups and Rainbows all the time. Imagine what we would be like if that was the case 😛 That’s a conversation that I had at camp this summer. Why does God let bad things happen to us? That question would take a whole new post to answer, but I think that Jesus answers this the best:
 “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away;  and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.
John 15: 1,2
I hope this brought you some encouragement today 🙂
Jesus loves you!!
~Esther

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